The Regrets of the Dying

I was impressed by a recent article in the Guardian, 'The Five regrets of the Dying'. Palliative care nurse, Bronnie Ware, has written about the regrets of the dying. She lists five 'top' regrets [ I paraphrase them, Google her name to get the full version]:

• I wish I'd been true to myself.
• I wish I'd not worked so hard.
• I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
• I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends.
• I wish I'd let myself be happier.

They offer an agenda of issues that we should be address long before we die. A couple of these regrets are counter intuitive [at least in our culture]: 'I wish I'd not worked so hard' and 'I wish I'd let myself be happier' and deserve a closer look.

'I wish I'd not worked so hard'

What does work do that is so bad for you? The answer would seem to be that work, particularly for men,  takes up so much of their time that they miss out on their kids growing up, spending time with their partner, cultivating friendships, pursuing interests and so on. Obvious really. If you work too hard, the life you should have lived remans unlived.

It is interesting to see this in the current political climate. The political messages that are sent down to us from above  imply that we Britons don't work hard enough. A propos this I noted  a news item about the Centre for Economic and Business Research which suggests that banning Bank Holidays would save the country billions of pounds. I translate that as suggesting work and money should take precedence over happiness. So when we arrive at our deathbeds we can reflect on the fact that we missed even more of our lives by working on Bank Holidays as well as all the other days. That does not sound healthy to me.

Of course much depends on the kind of work you do. Working long hours in a factory or in a office is a different kettle of fish to work that involves meeting varied and interesting people. The latter is life enhancing unlike the former. I haven't read Bronnie's book yet but I presume that it will make this important distinction.

I wish I'd let myself be happier.

This is an interesting point. We usually regard happiness  as something we are constantly trying to maximise but this suggests that happiness is actually something we suppress. The Guardian article indicates that this has got much to do with staying within the comfort zones of familiar habits and not allowing yourself to explore new experiences and have fun. This is fascinating. Something I don't really understand fully. I'm going to go away and think about it.

By the way if you do go to the Guardian website to read the article don't spend too much time on the readers' comments section. Many of the contributions are fatuous, asinine or flippant and avoid the issues that the article presents which suggests to me an underlying anxiety about death on the part of the writers.

The article is a modern memento mori, a  reminder that we all die. Religious and philisophical writings have always presented the same message and suggested it should inspire us to put our lives in order. There are many quotes that I could put offer. Here's just one that gets to the point vividly:

'Death is a wise adviser that we have...one has to ask death's advice and drop the cursed pettiness that belongs to men [sic]that live their lives as if death will never tap them. If you do not think of death all your life will be personal chaos.'

Carlos Castenada.

I like the phrase 'cursed pettiness'.  'Cursed pettiness ' is the bane of our lives is it not?