Therapies that work with thoughts.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy,  REBT, is similar to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT in that it looks at the thinking processes behind our emotions. In particular it explores at the beliefs that underlie our thinking; the premises from which we start. The founder of this school of therapy, Albert Ellis, suggested that three beliefs form the basis of emotional disturbance [I paraphrase here, Ellis was inclined to be verbose]:

• I must be perfect. If I am not, I'm a failure and deserve to suffer.
• People must be nice to me and if they are not they ought to be punished.
• My life must be enjoyable at all times. If not it's not worth living.

Holding these beliefs can lead to depression, anxiety, vindictive behaviour and all sorts of other kinds of human misery. We need to examine* these beliefs carefully and replace them with these more realistic beliefs:

• Human beings aren't perfect. Being imperfect does not mean failing.
• People aren't always nice to each other. I can't expect everyone to be nice to me all the time.
• Suffering and discomfort need to be accepted as part of life.

Beliefs affect the way we reason about what happens. So if we believe in the necessity of perfection, every time we slip up we regard this as a disaster. We awfulize it, to use Ellis's expression.Thus we might lose our car keys, catch a cold, have an argument with our partner and tell friends we have had the most dreadful day and rant on about it to such an extent that we start to feel seriously depressed. You wouldn't believe what an absolutely terrible day I've had. I deserve better than this! And so on and so forth. You can write your own script here if you like. It's a useful exercise.

Ellis refers to this desire to have perfection  as an example of  musturbation. The musts in our lives are what is explored in REBT sessions: there are all sorts of 'musts' as well as the 'must be perfect' such as, 'must be good', 'must be clever', 'must be witty', 'must be good at sport'. Some of these may be very specific such as 'must eat  everything on my plate'. Beliefs such as these can underlie eating problems and are worth exploring if you have this kind of difficulty. We pick lots of 'musts' when we are children. Not all of them are bad ' must not kill people ' is one worth keeping, for example. What we must do, though, is look at them rationally.

As with all cognitive therapies much of what REBT offers is powerful ideas that have been around for centuries presented in a new format. It is one that I, personally don't like. I can't stand the way Ellis mangles the English language with his ugly neologisms like 'awfulization' and 'musturbation'. But I must emphasise that REBT can be a very useful toolkit examining what is happening  your life, one that you can use on your own -there are lots of self help resources that can be Googled- or one that can be used within the context of a counselling session.

If you prefer you can find the same philosophical approach  that underpins REBT in M. Scott Peck's book  The Road less Traveled  which starts with the sentence 'Life is difficult'.  Or in Buddhism: the Buddha's First Noble Truth, is Dukkha,  The Truth of Suffering  which observes that discomfort, suffering are part and parcel of life and should be accepted.

*I nearly used the expression 'challenged our beliefs' but managed to avoid it. It is on my list of phrases that have become meaningless cliches through bureaucratic abuse. One of my constant concerns is the way language can be drained of meaning by the way it is used by institutions.The counselling process requires words to do their work well by conveying strong unequivocal meanings, so it is important that the words we use, when discussing the subject of counselling, are carefully chosen.